I've done something that I'm not proud of, nor ashamed of, but something that deep inside of me a feeling of wrongness wretches my gut – I went to the cinema.
Alone.
I can sense you have a wry smile on your chops and are dying to laugh, but don’t feel sorry for me. It’s not due to having no one to go with. There are actually people I’ve met, spoke to and befriended over the years, some I’d even call ‘pals’. Not showing off, but I have made and kept lots of friends and acquaintances over the years, (216 Facebook buddies proves that). Well all it really proves is that I have the ability to remember peoples full names and asking them to accept a friends request, which is the only contact I’ll ever have with them again. who I keep in touch with and regularly see – they sometimes even instigate the conversations and demand the meetings - I promise its not all one sided (It is. Ed).
Now, the actual film isn’t important, but it was something I wanted to see, but no one else did. Even my current squeeze didn’t want to see it. She doesn’t usually make me sit through stuff I don’t want to, we actually do stuff we both enjoy together (uncanny int it), but she just didn’t fancy it. I could have forced her, but she does enough selfless acts - some she even carries out in her sleep – so let this one slip.
However, there are times in life where you have to go it alone. There’s not always going to be someone to keep you company, guide you, there to hold your hand or even want to do the same things as you – I’ve always prouded myself as being an odd bod, an outsider, an individual, some may even say a maverick so I thought fook it and push the boundaries of social acceptance, I sit at home watching DVDs on me tod weekly, you’d go shopping on your own? You’d go for a walk, even to the gym, who needs to share in the experience with others?
Not me.
I thought not anyway, but the paranoia in the queue just asking for one ticket was uncomfortable, but nothing like the great whitey of 2002 (which would make a great FRANK advert) and by the time I’d taken my seat and someone asks, “anyone sitting here?”, a confident self-righteous “no – I’ve come on my own” came from my chapped lips (I refuse to ‘balm’). Although, even in the dark cinema, with just the lights across the floor that look like a futuristic landing strip made from cats eyes, as she slowly backed off I could see her ultra violet bluey fake smile, through gritted teeth not with happiness, joy or acceptance, but concern.
For herself.
For her friend.
For the whole of humanity.
As the fear on her face screams “get me out of here, she says actually says, ”oh.. its ok - there's seats down there…on the front row”.
The front row? Ha and ha. She must of been desperate to get away! Her loss, at least my satchel (its not a fooking manbag, alright?) now got a place all of its own. It also made it easier for me to reach in and get the opal fruits and bockle of panda pop I purchased from the shop outside and not the over priced rip off merchants with their fake smile perking from under their cap and their too big/too small bright red polo shirt, collar “popped” of course– stick that in yer popcorn darling. Anyone would of thought the devil had seeped out of my jaw. Its not like I was going to feel her up or get my lad out during the film – I save that behaviour for my dates.
You know what though? I proper enjoyed it. A life changing experience – there was no need to share my sweets with anyone, no one asked me what was happening or say, ”oh oh oh, was he in that film with Angelina Jolie?” or “didn’t he go out with that woman from Corrie”...I don’t know love, I don’t care. I’m watching him right now in this is all I’m bothered about, not talking to you through it, just flipping look on the internet movie database when you get in and stop spoiling this cinematic experience I’ve just paid £6.50 for the privilege for! Its times like that I feel like saying to them, ‘we are clearly not compatible and I would no longer like you to be my friend/potential romantic partner/care worker, can you leave the cinema and my life now.
Please.
Thank-you.
Oh and un-tag me from them photo's of us together.
It was liberating realising that you can be content with your ow company, next month there’s another film I really want to see. No doubt anyone I hang about with will want to see that either……don’t this isn’t a cry for help or a way of making new friends, it’s warning/advice/suggesting/call to arms but if anyone wants to go, make your own way there, get your own refreshments, don’t sit next to me, enjoy the film and feel the burden of social stigma lifted from your back.
COMING SOON:
Breaking more social taboos by going out for dinner alone, not as in mc’ds, somewhere with table service, like nando’s or posher and assessing why friends are actually friends.
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