!!! INSERT FAMILY FUN DAY PHOTO HERE !!!
Wrong - its a basically a turn taking balancing act (well I do stuff just to get a guaranteed nosh) that puts your wits
Yesterday I was informed 'she' wanted to get up early, so ‘we’ could spend the whole day together, romance int dead yet mon ami !
*hears moans *
A nice stroll around the Derbyshire dales - ashborne, matlock, buxton, crich, even chatsworth or head to nottinghamshire for wollaton, newstead abbey maybe even sherwood forest, then find in a quaint tea shop or country boozer for some decent scran and ales......surely most woman would go weak at the knees at these ideas, but not mine.
“have you seen these vouchers in the sun...” (it was never going to be good was it?)
“to get into Alton towers for half price?”
Let me take a moment to tell you the two things I hate most in life (other than odd socks);
1. Queuing
2. Being spun upside down.
She knows this.
And that I don't read the Sun. That's three things, naymind.
However, as already agreeing on the ‘it’s your day, we can do anything you want to do’, there wasn't much choice, plus she called me a scaredy cat.
Then a puff.
Being 100% comfortable with my sexuality, never having a tiny bit of doubt or twitch to 'experiment', this didn’t even register. Cats though? I fooking hate the two-faced snide shitcunts - there was no way I was being lumbered into that cat-egory.
To cut a long story short (hey-its about the deats int it) I drove us there - she criticised me all the way and laughed, due to me never driving on a motorway before (thats another story) - parked miles out, which they charge you a fiver for!?!?!?! to use their theme park?????? Then had to get a monorail to the entrance - I felt claustrophobic on that, never mind when I saw the massive lines of people waiting to go into a concentration camp, then a dozen legs whizzing past upside down and screams not heard since the miners welfare was torched...It cost me – yes me - 36 quid for us both, nearly a full weeks JSA, which was with the BOGOF offer. Kirsty on the counter asked if ‘we’ i.e. me wanted to pay an extra 8 quid for some queue jumping thing - fook that – However, later as I stood waiting in line for over an hour, I wish had.
There’s tons of other annoying stuff, like weird music playing out of trees, water being sprayed over you, people in fancy dress trying to sell you more tat – although for the money, the sun caught my cheeks (being stood in queues all day), had to eat a burger king for 8quid (whopper meal), got neck ache and a dizzy feeling that only the Tuesday blues can give you. We only managed to go on 4 rides - none of which I enjoyed, but next time she calls me a puff/scaredy cat, I’ll just point to the pic of me and her on the 'nemesis' - me doing the thumbs up, her looking like shes having a poo.
Good times.
UPDATE:
After agreeing that once a new ride is built, is the only way I’d take her again – thinking at the time we were deep in the heart of a recession, they’d never have spare cash, guess what? They’ve only gone and built one!
You have to sign a disclaimer before you get on!
I’m going to dump her instead.
