Do you ever get those feelings of excitement, anticipation, zeal, eagerness, and fervour before a holiday?
You’ll never guess what? I don’t.
Its heady concoction of worry, nerves, panic, fear, rolled into one ‘phat’ rizla (silvers) then hand-bonged into white death oblivion only to have a flashback on the return leg. It’s not the flying or strange ‘foreign muck’ even being out of my comfort zone, lost in a brave new world – it’s the krypton factor task of sorting out hand luggage.
Ted: “Eh? Where’s your suitcase?”
Proper: “Its man/holdall/messenger/rucksack/fishermans/satchel bags round here. Don’t you know darling!”
Now various airlines offer a range of guidelines to what is ‘deemed acceptable’ – 5cms in width, length, depth or girth - which surely there must be some Leigh way on? (Our female readership will confirm there is most certainly not - hello Countess Von ‘my boyfs got size 13 feet’ Taylor).
Well when you are faced with most defo not even being an hour early for check in, let alone the recommended 2 hours, you want to glide on through that check in and straight to the over priced food, crisps and fizzy drinks before boarding (rider included: BLT sandwich, bag of skips, twix and Summer fruits oasis) as queuing opens the ‘didthatreallyhappen.xls’ spreadsheet from the ‘pet hates’ folder (see also alton towers thingymebob).
All the bags, suitcases are kept in the loft. Sounds simple, but so is everything else that has been acquired over the last 30 years – prams, baby clothes, photos, books, tents, sleeping bags, a massive box of lego bricks etc etc…instead of climbing up and down the ladder, sucking in my svelte physique to get through the mole-made excuse for an entrance (why are loft ‘doorways’, so tiny?) – anyhoo, taking a tape measure up to the bags is indeed a better option. However, its dark and very very hot.
Being bent over a box of GI joe figures, salty fluid dripping down your cheek (don’t get me started on fluids, more of that later) whilst plastic inches slip through your fingers during an intimate wrestle with a black box, may appeal to some, but not under this roof – quite literally.
On flight reading material – a certain smutty comic sat along side – Propermag could be included in this, but even I fly more than bi-annually).
To help you avoid the above dilemma, theres a list of great ‘bags’ to follow…actually theres not. We couldn’t be bothered and you properly wouldn’t buy them or even look, so why waste all our time.
Cordially yours
Gerry
